When Your Adult Child Chooses Another Spiritual Path...

What to do if your adult child has a different spiritual path than you Are we in the midst of a great religious recession? A number of recent studies show that younger people are less religious than older people, and religiosity has declined with each successive generation. In the 2012 Pew Research Centerreport on religion and public life, one-fourth of 18- to 29-year-olds are classified as unaffiliated, a far higher proportion than among their parents (15 percent) or grandparents (9 percent). In extensive interviews with parents and their 18- to 29-year-olds for our book, Getting To 30: A Parent’s Guide to the 20-Something Years, we found that religious questioning is part of the identity explorations woven into this life stage. Most emerging adults feel that it would be wrong for them simply to accept what their parents and others have taught them about religious issues. Their inquiry sometimes leads to a confirmation of their childhood beliefs, but more often to modifying them, and sometimes to a wholesale rejection. Rather than holding to traditional beliefs, the majority of twenty-somethings typically have a vague but inclusive belief in a God who watches over the world and wants people to be good to each other. For some parents, their children’s religious choices are a hot button topic; for others, the subject is almost a non-issue. If parents don’t have a strong religious affiliation or commitment to spiritual seeking, then what their twenty-somethings believe is of little interest or concern to them; they may not even know. But when parents’ religious beliefs are central to their worldview and daily lives, their emerging adult’s beliefs may be one of the most important measures of their success or failure as parents: success if their children...

Planning to Enhance Life Purpose During Your Advanced Years...

Life is rich when we have a purpose in our lives. Science is now proving just this, even though many wise ones have known this over past centuries. As we move into the second half of life, this means redefining so much of who we are. During our earlier years, meaning seems to be in life so naturally with our families and careers. When children are grown, careers have wound down, spouses may be gone, and we are not physically able to do the things that we used to be able to do. I’ve spent some very rich time with my 83-year-old aunt, who just recently passed away. I was struck with how deeply she longed for the days when she was able to help others, and how she wondered why she was still here. She had always been one to create fun experiences for her blind foster brother, Jack, and his good friend. Jack had been blind since birth, and his good buddy had mental challenges. They both lived in a hotel for seniors with low incomes. She would take them to their favorite hangouts for burgers and fries; go with them on excursions around the city, to her house in the foothills, or even shopping for the everyday things. This brought them such great joy. When Jack passed away, she continued to take his buddy to do things. She also would pick up her 94-year old sister to take her to her monthly reunion with her high school class. She continued to do many kindnesses for others. It was her joy in life. Then the day came when she lost her driver’s license. She lived in the foothills of Colorado where there were no bus lines, stores, or...

Volunteering: The Gift that Gives Back...

I remember a couple of years ago I was going through some serious changes in my life, some were quite frustrating. I felt myself spiraling into a pretty serious depression, and it felt like nothing could lift the dark fog that was making its way into my life. The turning point came during a tea date with a friend. I confided to her how down and out I felt, how it seemed nothing was coming together in my life. When I finished, she said something that I still remember to this day: “ You need to get out of your head, and help someone else”. She was right. I had been spending so much time focusing on myself, on what was wrong with my life, that I had become a prisoner in my own head. Nothing felt good enough, and I had no sense of pride or accomplishment.  My friend gave me the number of a homeless shelter where she sometimes volunteered, and the very next day I called. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. I began volunteering almost right away, helping people apply for housing and jobs, working in the kitchen, or helping in the children’s center. By the end of the first day I felt happier than I had in weeks. Just spending a few hours helping someone else had completely gotten me out of my own head. Within a few weeks of me volunteering, my own problems began resolve, and my depression lifted. One of my favorite quotes is this one by Winston S. Churchill: “ We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” One of the biggest problems those entering the second half...