Making New Friends in the Second Half of Life

Making New Friends in the Second Half of Life...

When you’re young, it is quite easy to make friends You meet people at school or during recreational activities, forming friendships over shared interests. Once you start a family and have kids, you can bond with other parents over the ups and downs of parenthood. As you enter the second half of your life, however, making new friends can sometimes be a struggle. Friends are so vital for well being emotionally, physically, and mentally. The opportunities to meet people become less and less frequent, and the friends you’ve had for a long time may start to relocate after they retire. When you do get the chance to meet new people, you may find that your social skills aren’t quite what they used to be, leaving you feeling awkward and resistant to trying to make new friends. When you enter the later years of your life, you may feel that you are too old to start making new friends, leaving you feeling lonely and isolated. With loneliness being a key contributor to stress and anxiety in older people, finding companionship can be one of the best things for your health and your mental well-being. So how do you go about making friends at this point in your life? We’ve compiled a list of suggestions below to help you build your social life and find the friendships you want. 1.    Follow Your Interests By involving yourself in the things you love – whether it be arts, physical exercise, volunteering, etc., you open yourself up to people who share a your interests. Having something you can bond over can be the first step to building a meaningful friendship with someone. 2.    Don’t Be Afraid One of the biggest obstacles people face when...
Cards That Offer Better Words for a Serious Illness

Cards That Offer Better Words for a Serious Illness...

Their cancer-survivor maker knows the pain of kind but hurtful sentiments If you have ever had cancer or another serious illness, you can probably make a long list of unhelpful things that friends, family and well-meaning acquaintances have said to you. “Everything happens for a reason.” “I read about this miraculous new treatment on the Internet!” “Oh, I knew someone who had that same thing and they died.” Emily McDowell, a cancer survivor, has heard them all. In response, the Los Angeles graphic designer came up with a set of eight “Empathy Cards” to be used when traditional “get well” cards just don’t work. She launched them this week. Another set is due out in December, she told NPR’s Ina Jaffe in an interview. A Terrifying Diagnosis McDowell learned 15 years ago, at age 24, that she had Stage 3 Hodgkin’s lymphoma, a cancer of the lymphatic system. “The most difficult part of my illness wasn’t losing my hair, or being erroneously called ‘sir’ by Starbucks baristas, or sickness from chemo,” she said on her company’s website. “It was the loneliness and isolation I felt when many of my close friends and family members disappeared because they didn’t know what to say, or said the absolute wrong thing without realizing it.” Among the potentially offensive comments: referring to cancer as “a journey.” “With time and distance, some people do come tothat conclusion on their own that this … feels like a journey,” McDowell told NPR. “But a lot of people really feel like ‘If this is a journey, I’d like my ticket refunded,’ or ‘This is a journey to hell and back.’ ” Coming Up Empty To be fair, it is hard to know what to say. When we...
Why and When Denial Is Good For Caregivers

Why and When Denial Is Good For Caregivers...

Temporarily ignoring a problem might make it easier to manage The ever-witty author Delia Ephron recently wowed a mostly female boomer audience at the Motion Picture & Television Fund’s Women’s Conference making the crowd laugh with spot-on stories about skipping cab rides to afford a blowout for her unruly hair and wondering why kale is the new wonder food. But the mood turned more somber as she spoke of her late sister, the noted author, screenwriter and film director, Nora Ephron. The two were extremely close, not just as sisters but also as writing partners for films such as When Harry Met Sally and Hanging Up. “When Nora became ill, she told very few people,” Ephron said to the hushed crowd. Her sister didn’t want a flood of sympathy for her losing battle with leukemia or to spend her last months entertaining the mourners — those who come to dwell on your soon-to-be exit. Delia became part of a small circle who cared for Nora, emotionally if not physically, in the last months of her life. Part of that caregiving role was to keep her sister’s diagnosis under wraps. Even though Delia knew the truth, she found herself embracing the canard. Some days, she was able to forget Nora was ill. When Denial Is Healthy When caring for an older parent, ailing spouse or sibling struggling with a devastating diagnosis, denial is often a place caregivers dwell. They may be driven there because they feel overwhelmed or angry, or because they don’t understand “medical speak” and want to tune out. And while an initial state of denial is neither uncommon nor unhealthy, according to Dr. Ira Byock, a leading palliative care physician and author of Dying Well, it’s not...
6 Ways You Can Help a Friend Who is Sick

6 Ways You Can Help a Friend Who is Sick...

Suggestions that let you be present and make a difference Boomers pride ourselves on our ability to handle anything that comes our way, but there’s one thing many of us aren’t prepared for: when friends in our age group get life-threatening diseases. This inescapable front-row seat to a friend’s suffering — and recognition of our own aging — are happening now and will continue for the rest of our lives. While our friendships in the past might have included vacations, gym sessions and social events, the scenario changes significantly when, for example, a friend is undergoing chemotherapy or another serious treatment. She may be housebound with no energy for outings, unable to drive or even sit at a movie. We want to be helpful, but we’re often unsure about what we can do. Plenty, it turns out. Here are six specific, kind, and helpful acts to aid a friend who is suffering: Don’t ask; do. We’re an independent generation and many of us hate being dependent. So take the initiative to be useful. Cook a meal or two your friend can eat and bring it over. Offer to run an errand or take her to the doctor or sit with her for treatment. She’ll appreciate those types of things. Pay extra attention to your sick friend. Call often, even if you just leave a message. Be sure your friend knows you will stick with him or her no matter what. Because, it turns out, some friends disappear when another gets sick, probably because they don’t know how to handle the situation or what to do. Don’t be one of those who vanish. Be there for your loved one. Visit, and don’t come empty-handed. My local grocery’s floral department will...