5 Secrets to Transform Your Experience of Aging...

They’ll help you shift from a sense of loss to a sense of gain My 15-year-old son Evan walked off the tennis court triumphantly, as if he had just won the U.S. Open. Up to that point, our matches had always ended in a tie: I made sure of that or, rather, I could make sure of that. Now, toweling off while feeling an unfamiliar tug on my heart, I said to him, “Hey, Ev, did you ever wonder why the score always remained the same in our tennis matches over the years?” Then, in a suggestive whisper, I continued: “Maybe you could continue that trend — gracefully?” He didn’t respond, but I knew his answer. And it was deafening. Walking back to the car, I was consumed by the thought that my relationship with Evan (and with my life generally) was clearly at a crossroads. Staying positive as I aged would require letting go of capacities that were diminishing and embracing ones that were expanding. Easy transition? No! Gratifying? Mostly! Here are five secrets I’ve learned along the way that helped turn my experience of aging from a sense of loss into a sense of gain: Learn to accept what is. There is no end to the expanding benefits of embracing life on its own terms. If I hadn’t accepted my inevitable decline in physical acuity — the awareness of which began on the tennis court that day — it would have led to nothing but suffering. Instead, by refocusing my attention on supporting, even celebrating, my son’s physical ascension from boy to early manhood, I was able to walk away from “defeat” feeling relatively good. This mindset shift allowed me to interpret the situation, and many others...

When and How to Coax Your Parent to Move Closer...

If you’re wondering whether a faraway mom or dad should relocate closer to you, these tips can help Eight years ago, my dad moved to a tiny town in New Mexico after nearly four decades in New York City. Then an active 73-year-old retiree, he yearned for a taste of mythic Southwest living, four acres and a dog. But what seemed like an almost exotic locale when my husband and I first visited him (“Look, a tumbleweed!”) is now a growing source of worry and expense for my family as well as for my brother and his wife. There are no direct flights to my father’s area from our homes in New York and Connecticut, so it’s an 11-hour schlep. It costs about $1,200 for my husband, son and me to fly there, so it’s not like we can afford to just pop in whenever Dad needs us. Can Dad Still Manage to Live By Himself? On top of that, my father is now 81 and moving more slowly. He’s generally healthy, but when I visited him last fall, I was concerned about whether he could still take care of the house and yard and manage the two-hour drives to the nearest VA center for his medical checkups. (He’s a Korean War veteran.) My brother and I and our spouses have batted around the idea of moving Dad back East, but it’s hard to persuade a guy who’s (knock wood) still self-sufficient and happy where he is. Heck, he’s producing a local play as we speak. Apparently, however, we should try. And soon. Jean Levin, executive director of Caring From a Distance, a nonprofit in Washington, D.C., that connects caregivers with resources, says this is actually the ideal time...